Home > Silliness > The passion of DeLay

The passion of DeLay

You’re undoubtedly aware that Tom Delay is resigning. What you don’t know is that this is a bad thing.

Now, you’re probably saying: what the hell? It’s a bad thing? The man is corrupt to the core! He preys (I swear to Jebus I typed “prays” there when I first typed this out) on Christian piety in order to enrich himself! He’s EVIL.

That may be so, but you’re forgetting something. This is just the beginning. This is Tom DeLay’s Good Friday. His Easter is coming. God truly does do his best work after crucifixion. (2.1 billion people from a couple of Jews’ ghost sightings? Impressive.)

Now, what can we expect from DeLay’s resurrection? The obvious part: he will have a new, spiritual, body. He will be able to transcend the mere physical corruption of his former life and reach some sort of spiritual corruption. What does this mean? Your guess is as good as mine, but I imagine him flying around with wings made of money stolen from paraplegic orphans, strangling puppies, and listening to Cher. There’s only one thing we can do: repent.

I hereby declare my faith in Tom DeLay, the new son of God. I will now have to live by a strict moral code. That code consists of having no moral code. It’ll be a long and arduous journey, filled with schemes to gerrymander districts and launder money, but there is no alternative. Accept Tom into your heart and be saved.

Categories: Silliness
  1. Duffy
    April 5, 2006 at 8:09 am

    i enjoy money, and corruption. this religion of sorts is one i think i might realy enjoy

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