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I am entertained

November 2, 2009 3 comments

If there’s one thing Alex Jones is good for, it’s entertainment. I haven’t heard a fluoride in the water rant like I did on the radio this weekend in forever. He also thinks we’re being sterilized by basically everything. It’s a wonder we have fallen into some sort of Children of Men-like apocalypse.

Categories: Silliness

Oh, Conservapedia

October 5, 2009 Leave a comment

How is this not awesome? Conservapedia has a Conservative Bible Project going. Because the people who do the NIV translation are a bunch of feminist liberals. Seriously. So they’re going to translate the KJV into more modern English.

For example, one of their suggestions from Mark is to replace Pharisees with “intellectuals” or “skeptical teachers.” One instance:

Jesus perceived immediately what the intellectual types were thinking, and he asked them, “Why are you so hostile to this?

If one of your goals is to enhance the intellectual force of the Bible, the phrase “intellectual types” isn’t helping.

(for reference, here’s what the NRSV translation is: “At once Jesus perceived in his spirit that they were discussing these questions among themselves; and he said to them, ‘Why do you raise such questions in your hearts?”)

This is also an obvious example of the flaws in what they’re doing (flaws? no way!). The fact is that Jesus’ conflict with the Pharisees is a conflict with a conservative religious establishment. The Pharisees are representatives of the ruling priests (from what I’ve read, anyway). Jesus’ is rebelling against a religious establishment, which is not a particularly conservative move. Characterizing the representatives of that establishment as “intellectuals,” which undoubtedly conjures up an image of anti-capitalist radicals in academia who want to destroy the very foundation of our country in their minds, is a bit misleading. Jesus is rebelling against tradition and is trying to shake the foundations of the contemporary religious establishment. You can make a better case that he’s analogous to their view of intellectuals. It would be stupid to do so, but less so than the Conservapedia alternative.

That’s not to say that verse is inconsistent with conservatism, just that using it to score conservative points obscures what Mark is describing. The world is too complicated to impose narrow ideological categorization on every event. Conservapedians, can’t handle that.

But we really already knew that, didn’t we?

Categories: Religion, Silliness, The Right

Why didn't I think of that?

August 24, 2009 Leave a comment

This is almost as good as rapture bonds.

You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each
Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

I wonder how much money they’ve made.

Categories: Religion, Silliness

New ideas

May 26, 2009 Leave a comment

So Prop 8 is ok, but the 18,000 gay couples already married can stay that way.

Some might say that the 18,000 existing gay marriages are a loss for the religious right. I say it’s an opportunity. For what? Gay marriage cap and trade.

What better way to show you have some new ideas and aren’t all “gay marriage will lead to people marrying hamsters” than to riff on the hip new emissions cap and trade policy that’s making waves in Washington (or will, anyway).

You’ve already got a cap: 18,000. You need a rate of decrease. You don’t want to seem strident, so you go with 2,000 a year. You shouldn’t have any problems getting that from the number of divorces. That gives you almost a decade to wipe out gay marriage. Long time? Maybe, but you remember that California is well and truly fucked anyway. You probably don’t use “fucked,” though.

Now, let’s say that in any given year, half the marriages end in divorce. So maybe after the first year you have 7,000 (16,000 minus 9,000, keep up) licenses to auction off. What do you get for those marriages? How much would you have paid to marry your wife? One thousand? Two thousand? Ten thousand? In any case, you’re talking millions per year in new revenue (and you didn’t even factor in the death rate!). Now, it’s not enough to cover the $8 billion budget shortfall (unless you’re going to ask $1 million plus per marriage at the outset), but you’ll be doing your part to help California.

There are fringe benefits, too. The new gay marriage loan industry? Just what the struggling mortgage industry needs!

Why are you all looking at me like that?

Categories: Religion, Silliness

Helmets…for seals

May 16, 2009 Leave a comment

You knew that, but this is still strange, even for them. In response to Joystiq’s request for their thoughts about a seal-clubbing minigame for Overlord II, they said this:

In real life, seals don’t have helmets and can’t fight back, but perhaps you’ll soon see PETA-made helmets for baby seals in Canada.

I think PETA have finally reached the pinnacle of absurdity: a statement so ridiculous that it can’t be mocked. It’s almost a perfect representation of their lunacy, only missing their trademark offensiveness (holocaust on a plate, anyone?).

Bravo, PETA.

Categories: Culture, Silliness

Demand answers

April 13, 2009 2 comments

Mark Hemingway wants to know Obama’s opinion of a scene in one of Kal Penn’s movies. It apparently offended his delicate sensibilities. Hard-nosed journalism, people.

Speaking of idiots, there’s a tax day tea-bagger protest in Bozeman on Wednesday. I’m tempted to wander by, if only because I’m sure it will be unintentionally hilarious.

And also because I’m a member of ACORN planning to sabotage the protest. Don’t tell anyone.

Categories: Montana, Obama, Silliness

Geekiness in comic form

March 8, 2009 1 comment

I feel it’s my duty to point out that the last two XKCD comics are pure groan-inducing awesome.

And while you’re at it, there’s this.

Categories: Silliness

All hail Gaia

February 13, 2009 1 comment

I think this is the best comment ever left on this blog:

What makes liberals such a bunch of annoying pests why do liberals when they are hurt in a accedent or get ill from their own bad habbits hire a lawyer and sue to solve their problems BECUASE THEIR ALL A BUNCH OF WHINNY SNIVELING LITTLE WUSSIETARDS TO STUPID TO KNOW WHERE THE SUN GOSE AFTER IT SETS IN THE EVENING THEY THINK THE SUN SINKS INTO THE OCEAN AND IS SNUFFED OUT THEN LIT EVERY MORNING BY GAIA THE EARTH MOTHER THEY WORSHIP

Real or not, it’s quite a journey.

Categories: Silliness

Bring the crazy

February 2, 2009 1 comment

The Corner had so many awesome posts today I starred four in Google Reader today, two of which are worth mocking:

Mark Krikorian declares that a FCC complaint filed by a Hispanic group and him being criticized by the SPLC is an assault on American liberty. Free Mark Krikorian! Death to tyranny!

K-Lo quotes another blogger noting that by saying Obama would have “home field advantage” in his interview with Matt Lauer, “NBC News has finally admitting to being nothing more than Obama cheerleaders.” I am apparently not able to comprehend the logic of that statement (I don’t speak wingnut). I believe us sane people took that as NBC News using a football term to convey that the interview was occurring at the White House.

Categories: Silliness, The Right

Heaven is filled with racists?

January 28, 2009 1 comment

Can’t say I’ve considered this possibility.

Categories: Silliness
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